Barriers

Juanca's birthday! He's so adorable.

Let's see, what have I been up to? I haven't been doing much, just going to school and church on the weekends. This weekend I also went to watch people from my church play futbol and Saturday...what did I even do Saturday? How can I not remember three days ago? I think I'm going senile.

Today AFS called me to ask if I wanted to switch grades or schools because I guess my host mama complained to them because my classes are impossibly hard (programming? calculus? computer repair?!) and I said no, just because I've already been where I am for six weeks and I don't want to start all over again, it's hard enough making friends as it is. I wish I had thought to talk to AFS about it a month ago, but I wasn't even aware that switching schools was an option. I'm really having a hard time seeing how I'm going to get any credit for all these classes I doubt I can pass, even though AFS is doing their best to see that I do, so it's looking like I might be stuck in high school a little longer than planned. Oh well, I guess the important thing is really that I'm making friends and learning spanish.

So about making friends...it's hard. Shocking, right? There are the obvious problems of the language and social barriers, and then there's that underlying barely-tangible cultural barrier. There's a disconnect between the way I think and behave as a result of my culture and the way Hondurans think and behave as a result of their culture, and sometimes that makes it feel impossible to communicate. I feel like there have been some times when I've accidentally offended or snubbed people simply because of a miscommunication. I have to be very conscious of appearing friendly because Hondurans are friendly in ways that Americans are not. For instance, in Honduras, it's impolite to walk past a person, stranger or friend, without saying "hola" or "adios" or "buenos". "Here we at least say Adios, Kaiti!" lectured Nicol when I responded to an "adios" with a smile and a wave. Also, Hondurans are really into cheek kissing-- everyone. Family, friends, strangers, teachers. I love cheek kissing but it's another one of those things that stresses me out because I don't really understand it.

I was warned, before I came here, that Hondurans are a very non-confrontational people. I thought that was a rather bizarre generalization, so I sort of blew it off, but it's true. If people want to say something to you...they don't just say it to you. I've noticed that in general, controversial issues aren't really addressed or discussed openly...people here are very religious, but often more so in appearance than in practice. I'm a very direct and open person, so that's another thing that's hard to get used to.

In some ways, though, Hondurans are less polite than Americans. I noticed that kids at school love to jokingly address each other as "Vo'Imbecil!" ("Yo imbecil?" "No, el otro imbecil!"..."Vo'Imbecil!") and "Maje!" Black kids are nearly always referred to as "Negro!" which sounds horribly offensive to my American ears but it's the norm here. Black kids are also teased about their skin ("Your skin's so dark, your mama must have left you in the oven when you were little!") which is hilarious because often the teasers are every bit as dark as the "black" kids. In fact, often I don't even know someone is "black" until I hear "Hey, Negro!" and see them turn their head. They're all pretty mixed.

People are just referred to by their physical attributes in general...kids with curly hair are called "curly", kids with pale skin are teased for being "gringo", kids with pimples are addressed as "pimples!". I've also heard hey gordo! Which is like, hey fat guy! That would not go down well in America.

Also, every Honduran's favorite English word is "fuck", which is hilariously incongruent with their politeness. Lost at Uno-- fuck! Stubbed my toe-- fuck! Dropped my pencil-- fuck! At school, no less-- I wince every time I hear it. They must not understand its poignancy in the English language. They love the n-word, too, which I can't even type.

Mainly I'm just trying to focus on making friends. I wouldn't have said I'm a shy person a month ago but it's amazing what being completely uprooted and replanted can do for what you think you know about yourself. I'm finding that I really have to take making friends into my own hands, if I sit around waiting for people to talk to me it is absolutely never going to happen. Mostly I find people are intimidated by my presence or just apathetic. Some comments have led me to think that people here are incredibly willing to believe that I consider myself superior to them because I am "gringa", which is of course completely not the case. I guess people are just shy sometimes. They do talk to me on facebook-- I've had a few people message me on facebook telling me I should talk to more people. One guy who was completely unresponsive to my attempts at real life conversation later FBed me to say he was sorry, and that he had been nervous. I said you're nervous, dude? I'm fresh off the plane living in a country full of people I don't know who speak a language I don't speak haha it's fine we'll talk tomorrow :) Haha. I guess highschool's the same everywhere. I've been trying more and more to make extra-extra-effort. I started out with inviting a few girls I eat lunch with over to come over and swim this weekend and I can't wait!

There are a lot of ways in which I really like the cultural differences here.

Hondurans are very friendly and generous. They love to share. Yesterday, for instance, my religion teacher invited me and a few of his other students into his office during recreo just to chat and share a giant omelette he had brought in foil wrap. Often you'll see people splitting tiny meals sixteen ways, pulling candies or cookies or entire plates of chicken fajitas out of their little purses, which I think is pretty sweet. Personal property isn't really a thing here, what you have, you share, even if it's not much.

Hondurans have very strong family values. They prioritize their families and they are always loyal. Divorce rates are very low. University students are likely to live at home with their parents, "on-campus housing" is not a thing. My host mom has a niece who regularly steals money and the most random household items from them-- clothes, sketchbooks, underwear-- haha! yet she is still welcome to stay whenever she wants because she is family. I guess that goes back to the personal property thing, too.

Some Hondurans have pointed out to me that Americans are obsessed with time. "What is it with Americans and lists?" asked Kevin. "You Americans are always making lists." I think Americans make lists because in general they are very goal-oriented and efficient-- Hondurans, not so much. Hondurans take their time doing whatever it is that they are doing, they relax and enjoy life and are often not concerned with huge accomplishments. Kevin and I arrived at the conclusion that sometimes making lists is bad because your goals can get in the way of other things that are more important.

AFS has a motto: "It's not good, it's not bad, it's just different". I'm finding in many ways that is true.

PS. Does anyone know how to disable that tag-autocorrect on blogspot that corrects all your tags to tags you used in former posts? It's making me want to scream.